devastated

So I blow $800 on acupuncture for eight sessions, and there's an INCREASE in intraocular pressure. NEVER MIND that I've:

cut out alcohol
supplemented with vitamins
reduced caffeine intake
started exercising
used visualization
started Emotional Freedom Technique
lost six pounds, roughly, of weight

What did work is that my liver, spleen and gallbladder hot spots have been neutralized, and I had a blessed period without mood swings, breast tenderness, bloat or irritability. I did have back pain, however, and messy/thick discharges.

And I cut out television, and my kid is just a stupid kid, scoring 48 on Verbal and 73 on Quantitative. Not the sharpest kid in the shed. All these books I research and give him to read from the library, and he's just involved in crap like comic books, Pokemon and his Nintendo like a run-of-the-mill eight-year-old while the books don't get read and accrue library fines. We make him a lunch and he spends more money than he needs to getting hot food from the lunchroom. He yaps about a science fair, I run off pages of possible science fair projects from the Internet, and he just wants to do stupid crap and not pay attention.

My husband is overweight and either talks over me or cuts me off before I say anything. So my words don't matter. My brother tells me he has money problems and needs Microsoft Office. I buy it for him and ship it with other gifts. Then his wife decides that she needs me to mail a bulky Fisher-Price bouncer from USA to Japan, so that cost me $90. I spent $250 on them in January. I e-mail their child's birth announcement photos to people and send back the congratulations. Then my brother tells me how his parenting style is superior, and he's been a parent for not even a week.

EVERYBODY'S GARBAGE TAKES PRECEDENCE. Go on Facebook and find out who wants to punch what five famous people in the face, or read some lame American political joke, because that's the only country that matters, right? Never mind Israelis, Russians, Danes, Belgians, New Zealanders, Filipinos, Singaporeans, Indonesians, Japanese, Venezuelans are online too --- they don't go on and on about their gummints like the Yanks do, you know, the people of whom maybe 58% bother to vote in a Presidential year, and the number's a lot lower than that on off-years, but they won't waste a chance to tell you about the soldiers who risked and gave their lives for their freedom? Blech.

What do I want? I want DECREASED INTRAOCULAR PRESSURE, a child I can be PROUD OF, a job that pays well and DOESN'T GET SHIPPED TO HYDERABAD OR SHANGHAI, IMPROVED HEALTH and CIVIL DISCOURSE. I am fine with debate and opposing views, I do not perceive value in putdowns or lies. I want corporations to stay away from funding elected representatives but I am surrounded by hundreds of millions of 'Murricans who believe their precious liberties and freedoms lie not in the people they have the right to choose to give representation rights to, but in the corporations polluting their waters, airs, minds, and stomachs because anything else would be [trot out 1930s government 'ism' here like a good little ignoramus]. I want to SLEEP THROUGH THE NIGHT. I want to more clearly recognize the divinity of others, and move toward more positive stresses and greater energy.

So don't tell me that I didn't try to make a difference: I read a random New Testament segment for inspiration and Examen; I made conscious changes in my diet, I addressed concerns with my family, I prayed for family members who requested and needed them, I sent birthday wishes, congratulations, anniversary greetings and Christmas cards, and gifts. To have a friend, be a friend. I tried that. To people who expressed anxiety issues, I offered novel effective nonpharmaceuticcal treatments; for people on the cusp of a decision I gave advice on how to tap into intuition; to people wondering what was up with a troubling in-game message I gave assurance it was the game programmers at fault. All of these get ignored.

Purification crisis, or what?

I didn't have any excess progesterone symptoms except the low energy/fatigue this cycle. I didn't cough a lot as I usually do right before my period. I like keeping my weight at a healthy mid-BodyMassIndex point. Now I must concentrate on bringing the waist measurement down, unless this is yet another medical health fad paradigm that's going to shift in the next year.

I've read that spot-reducing the abdomen isn't possible. I have also been told that I'll be on glaucoma medication for the rest of my life. I'll see if I can overcome those limiting beliefs. I had a 28" waist before I had my child, and I see other mothers with trim waists. Exercise is the only thing missing from my regimen. Well, that and regular juicing and tons of raw vegetables. And water. Need 2.651 litres of water daily. I had been dehydrated for a long while partly because of qi blockages, but also because my ophthalmologist said rapid heavy water intake can cause pressure behind the eyeballs.

I stopped reading Facebook one hour ago. I didn't make an announcement. I can't handle the tsunami of stupid: year-old abduction hoaxes; don't-friend-xxxx-s/he's-a-hacker hoaxes; people who think only their nation is in Facebook and therefore their political memes matter; people who don't understand that youth under the age of 18 are on Facebook and post inappropriate photos or links to videos publicly. Some countries have laws against exposing children to that sort of thing.

http://ow.ly/11d32 - Obama enjoys rock star status in Canada. I won't post this on my finance blog, nor on Facebook, but it's interesting to see other countries approve of a U.S. leader, who may not have the popularity back home that perhaps chewing tobacco, high fructose corn syrup, poor diets, or reality television shows have.

feel a facebook break coming on again

I held off for a long while because my brother's wife was expecting their only son, and as any good 21st-century parent would, the new dad shared video and pics of the new arrival. I was not about to miss that!

However, Facebook's been a monkey on my back. I could take it or leave it before the games.

I had an insight this morning: if we are spiritual beings having a human experience, and if we have even a faint light within us, it's a divine light, and fellow spiritual beings should be able to recognize that light. I've spent eight months gradually getting that light to shine. Maybe three of my relatives can see it. That's not good, when twenty of them are on Facebook. I'm thinking maybe Facebook isn't where the divine light of love can find full expression. I know I've been very careful about sharing all-ages-appropriate, nonsexist, apolitical, nonreligious content, and wishing people happy birthdays, congratulations, happy holidays but I still lose people or they are not satisfied with my personal expression toward others: they want me to express things the way they would.

I imagined this morning going to confession and instead of claiming my sins, talking about how my campaign to win back my relations has largely failed, and asking why fellow Catholics who are also kin, and go on about how family is so important cannot or do not recognize or appreciate my efforts to awaken my long-comatose soul and get it moving through acts of love.

And when I look at the rising crime statistics, I'm not seeing how our communities are fully expressing love and compassion. I need to be more invested in the world, to be more courageous. This week I have had "easy wins" expressing the divine light and wisdom within, and a lot of that is just listening too, and accepting the other person, but they've all been at my door, or at a coffeehouse.

My "flip to any page" New Testament readings this week have gravitated to 1 Thessalonians 5:17-31, and the last chapter of Luke, when the risen Christ followed some men on Easter on the road to Emmaus. Jesus chides them for being foolish and slow of heart, and gives them a rundown of Scripture and prophesy concerning the Messiah. When he was invited to dinner with these men, he took bread, gave thanks, and their eyes "were opened and they recognized him, and he disappeared from their sight. They asked each other, 'Were not our hearts burning within us while he talked with us on the road and opened the Scriptures for us'?" I also get Luke 24:50-53 on occasion, which inspires me to listen to Talk Talk's "Ascension Day."

My brain needs to be retrained to find the miraculous outside myself in daily living. I can feel the miracles within, physically and spiritually. I need to rise above scoffing at bus riders who don't use effective noise-cancelling earbuds on their mp3 players. They're losing their hearing. I know as a fogey I'm more sensitive to noises, and the young like the sounds loud and at high frequencies, but I don't want to be sixty or seventy and still end up going into places where the volume is cranked up because the forty- and fifty-year-olds are hard of hearing.

Buckwheat!

No, not Billie Thomas of Our Gang/Little Rascals. I mean buckwheat groats. I made kasha last year and my husband enjoyed its roasted nutty taste. High in protein and niacin, buckwheat has magnesium, manganese, phosphorus and copper. Here are some Buckwheat recipes:

RECIPE
Kasha Or Buckwheat Groats
Ingredients

* 2 tablespoons butter
* 1/2 cup finely chopped onion
* 2 cups quail broth, or fresh or canned chicken broth
* 1 cup kasha or buckwheat groats, preferably medium grain
* 1 egg, well beaten
* Salt to taste if desired

Preparation

1.Heat butter in a saucepan and add onion. Cook, stirring, until wilted. Add broth. Bring to boil, then lower to simmer.
2.Put kasha in a nonstick skillet and add egg. Stir to blend and cook over gentle heat, stirring all over the bottom, until grains of kasha are coated with egg but grains remain separate. Cook until grains are slightly toasted and lightly browned.
3. Pour the simmering broth over kasha. Add salt and cover tightly. Cook about 15 minutes over very low heat or until all the liquid has been absorbed and grains are tender. If necessary, continue cooking 5 minutes longer or until grains are tender.

YIELD
6 servings


----------------------------------
Chocolate Chip Cookies with Buckwheat Groats
Makes 20

1/2 cup unsalted butter, softened
1 cup brown sugar, lightly packed
1 egg
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
1/4 teaspoon almond extract
1 cup plus 2 tablespoons whole wheat pastry flour
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup buckwheat groats (kasha)
6 oz semisweet chocolate, chopped into chip-sized chunks

1. Preheat the oven to 375 degrees.

2. In a mixer or bowl, cream the butter and brown sugar together until light and fluffy. Beat in the egg and two extracts until well-combined.

3. In a small bowl, mix the flour, baking soda, salt and buckwheat, and add to the butter mixture, beating to incorporate. When combined, add the chocolate and stir to combine.

4. Drop 2 tablespoon-sized balls of dough onto ungreased cookie sheets, 3 inches apart. Bake for 6 minutes, then reverse the sheet pan in the oven and bake for an additional 6 minutes. The cookies should be still slightly pale in the center and golden brown on the edges.

5. Cool the cookie sheet on a rack for 5 minutes, then transfer to the rack directly with a spatula.
-------------------------------
2 ts Safflower oil;

2 Shailots; chopped

1 cl Garlic; minced

1 Celery stalk; sliced

1/2 c Sliced mushrooms;

1 Egg white;

Pinch salt & pepper; 1 c Buckwheat groats;(kasha)

2 c Chicken broth;

1 tb Pine nuts/sunflower seeds;

In a non-stick saucepan, heat oil and add vegetables. Cook, stirring, over medium heat about 5 minutes. In a small bowl, beat egg white with salt and pepper. Stir into saucepan. Stir in groats, then add broth and bring to a boil. Reduce heat, cover and cook 10 minutes until tender. When liquid is absorbed, add pine nuts and fluff with a fork. Garnish with parsley
-------------------------------
Buckwheat Groats with Noodles

Ingredients

* 1 cup buckwheat groats
* 1 egg
* 1 cup uncooked bow tie pasta or uncooked gluten-free egg noodles (or other short, flat noodle)
* 2 cups chicken stock, brought to a boil
* 1 teaspoon salt
* 1 quart water
* 1/2 teaspoon ground black pepper
* 3 tablespoons corn oil or chicken fat
* 1 1/2 large onions, chopped coarsely

Directions

1. Beat the egg in a small bowl. Add kasha and stir until every grain is well coated with egg. Place in a medium saucepan over medium heat and stir constantly with a wooden spoon until the egg begins to dry and the groats separate. Some of the groats may stick together and/or brown slightly.
2. Pour boiling chicken stock over the kasha. Mix in salt and pepper and stir thoroughly. Cover and cook over low heat for 10 to 15 minutes or until the kasha has absorbed all liquid. Remove from heat.
3. In a separate pot, bring water to a boil and cook the pasta until done. Drain and set aside.
4. In a skillet, heat the oil (or schmaltz) on a medium flame. Saute the chopped onions until thoroughly browned. Add the onions and noodles to the pot of kasha, and adjust salt and pepper to taste.

More books to put on my list

Fall on your Knees by Ann-Marie MacDonald
Nice Big American Baby, by Judy Budnitz
Cruddy by Lynda Barry
The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin

sometimes I think I read too much yet not enough. Like it's possible to eat too much but not enough of the right foods.

Chakra openings, vibrational frequencies

So I had some diarrhea this morning, possibly because of the oats and salsa, corn and meat we had for hamburgesas last night. It may have been my solar plexus chakra opening up.

if you are thinking of something that you want but you are frustrated, impatient, and doubt, than the frequencies you are setting out not in harmony. This will cause discord and make it harder for you to get what you want. However, if you are thinking of what you want, and you bring in joy, passion, and excitement, than your frequencies begin to match are set out in harmony, which will attract what you want faster. It's all about matching your vibrational frequencies.

Although other people may try to help you change your frequency and bring it to a better, more harmonized state through their positivity, but ultimately they do not understand your thoughts and do not have control over your consciousness. That choice is completely up to you.

Frequency : the power of personal vibration / Penney Peirce ; foreword by Michael Bernard Beckwith.
Just learned of her. More in book lists from Jean Railla, whose Get Crafty book I need to return to the library soon. She has lists of good cooking books and good food books.

Taking another Facebook break: feeling very sensitive, and disappointed by the gigantic chasm that separates my realm of consciousness and understanding from those of my relatives, whom I had hoped to get closer to through Facebook. I will pray that they awake and come find me.

Almost everyday I have a new insight or breakthrough

this should be Tweeted, but I doubt the public entities with whom I have a recriprocal Tweet relationship would care. And I know my relations wouldn't care, except my brother who will have dozens of insights and breakthroughs in a matter of days.

My breakthroughs are of awareness, health, and consciousness. Of political machinations.