devastated

So I blow $800 on acupuncture for eight sessions, and there's an INCREASE in intraocular pressure. NEVER MIND that I've:

cut out alcohol
supplemented with vitamins
reduced caffeine intake
started exercising
used visualization
started Emotional Freedom Technique
lost six pounds, roughly, of weight

What did work is that my liver, spleen and gallbladder hot spots have been neutralized, and I had a blessed period without mood swings, breast tenderness, bloat or irritability. I did have back pain, however, and messy/thick discharges.

And I cut out television, and my kid is just a stupid kid, scoring 48 on Verbal and 73 on Quantitative. Not the sharpest kid in the shed. All these books I research and give him to read from the library, and he's just involved in crap like comic books, Pokemon and his Nintendo like a run-of-the-mill eight-year-old while the books don't get read and accrue library fines. We make him a lunch and he spends more money than he needs to getting hot food from the lunchroom. He yaps about a science fair, I run off pages of possible science fair projects from the Internet, and he just wants to do stupid crap and not pay attention.

My husband is overweight and either talks over me or cuts me off before I say anything. So my words don't matter. My brother tells me he has money problems and needs Microsoft Office. I buy it for him and ship it with other gifts. Then his wife decides that she needs me to mail a bulky Fisher-Price bouncer from USA to Japan, so that cost me $90. I spent $250 on them in January. I e-mail their child's birth announcement photos to people and send back the congratulations. Then my brother tells me how his parenting style is superior, and he's been a parent for not even a week.

EVERYBODY'S GARBAGE TAKES PRECEDENCE. Go on Facebook and find out who wants to punch what five famous people in the face, or read some lame American political joke, because that's the only country that matters, right? Never mind Israelis, Russians, Danes, Belgians, New Zealanders, Filipinos, Singaporeans, Indonesians, Japanese, Venezuelans are online too --- they don't go on and on about their gummints like the Yanks do, you know, the people of whom maybe 58% bother to vote in a Presidential year, and the number's a lot lower than that on off-years, but they won't waste a chance to tell you about the soldiers who risked and gave their lives for their freedom? Blech.

What do I want? I want DECREASED INTRAOCULAR PRESSURE, a child I can be PROUD OF, a job that pays well and DOESN'T GET SHIPPED TO HYDERABAD OR SHANGHAI, IMPROVED HEALTH and CIVIL DISCOURSE. I am fine with debate and opposing views, I do not perceive value in putdowns or lies. I want corporations to stay away from funding elected representatives but I am surrounded by hundreds of millions of 'Murricans who believe their precious liberties and freedoms lie not in the people they have the right to choose to give representation rights to, but in the corporations polluting their waters, airs, minds, and stomachs because anything else would be [trot out 1930s government 'ism' here like a good little ignoramus]. I want to SLEEP THROUGH THE NIGHT. I want to more clearly recognize the divinity of others, and move toward more positive stresses and greater energy.

So don't tell me that I didn't try to make a difference: I read a random New Testament segment for inspiration and Examen; I made conscious changes in my diet, I addressed concerns with my family, I prayed for family members who requested and needed them, I sent birthday wishes, congratulations, anniversary greetings and Christmas cards, and gifts. To have a friend, be a friend. I tried that. To people who expressed anxiety issues, I offered novel effective nonpharmaceuticcal treatments; for people on the cusp of a decision I gave advice on how to tap into intuition; to people wondering what was up with a troubling in-game message I gave assurance it was the game programmers at fault. All of these get ignored.