30 Things to Stop Doing to Myself

From Ken Ashford's "Seventh Sense" Weblog.
Stop spending time with the wrong people. – Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you. If someone wants you in their life, they’ll make room for you. You shouldn’t have to fight for a spot. Never, ever insist yourself to someone who continuously overlooks your worth. And remember, it’s not the people that stand by your side when you’re at your best, but the ones who stand beside you when you’re at your worst that are your true friends.  
Stop running from your problems. – Face them head on. No, it won’t be easy. There is no person in the world capable of flawlessly handling every punch thrown at them. We aren’t supposed to be able to instantly solve problems. That’s not how we’re made. In fact, we’re made to get upset, sad, hurt, stumble and fall. Because that’s the whole purpose of living – to face problems, learn, adapt, and solve them over the course of time. This is what ultimately molds us into the person we become. Stop lying to yourself. – You can lie to anyone else in the world, but you can’t lie to yourself. Our lives improve only when we take chances, and the first and most difficult chance we can take is to be honest with ourselves. Read The Road Less Traveled.
Stop putting your own needs on the back burner. – The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, and forgetting that you are special too. Yes, help others; but help yourself too. If there was ever a moment to follow your passion and do something that matters to you, that moment is now.  
Stop trying to be someone you’re not. – One of the greatest challenges in life is being yourself in a world that’s trying to make you likeeveryone else. Someone will always be prettier, someone will always be smarter, someone will always be younger, but they will never be you. Don’t change so people will like you. Be yourself and the right people will love the real you.  
Stop trying to hold onto the past. – You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading your last one.  
Stop being scared to make a mistake. – Doing something and getting it wrong is at least ten times more productive than doing nothing. Every success has a trail of failures behind it, and every failure is leading towards success. You end up regretting the things you did NOT do far more than the things you did.
Stop berating yourself for old mistakes. – We may love the wrong person and cry about the wrong things, but no matter how things go wrong, one thing is for sure, mistakes help us find the person and things that are right for us. We all make mistakes, have struggles, and even regret things in our past. But you are not your mistakes, you are not your struggles, and you are here NOW with the power to shape your day and your future. Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.  
Stop trying to buy happiness. – Many of the things we desire are expensive. But the truth is, the things that really satisfy us are totally free – love, laughter and working on our passions.
Stop exclusively looking to others for happiness. – If you’re not happy with who you are on the inside, you won’t be happy in a long-term relationship with anyone else either. You have to create stability in your own life first before you can share it with someone else. Read Stumbling on Happiness.  
Stop being idle. – Don’t think too much or you’ll create a problem that wasn’t even there in the first place. Evaluate situations and take decisive action. You cannot change what you refuse to confront. Making progress involves risk. Period! You can’t make it to second base with your foot on first.
Stop thinking you’re not ready. – Nobody ever feels 100% ready when an opportunity arises. Because most great opportunities in life force us to grow beyond our comfort zones, which means we won’t feel totally comfortable at first.  
Stop getting involved in relationships for the wrong reasons. – Relationships must be chosen wisely. It’s better to be alone than to be in bad company. There’s no need to rush. If something is meant to be, it will happen – in the right time, with the right person, and for the best reason. Fall in love when you’re ready, not when you’re lonely.
Stop rejecting new relationships just because old ones didn’t work. – In life you’ll realize that there is a purpose for everyone you meet. Some will test you, some will use you and some will teach you. But most importantly, some will bring out the best in you.
Stop trying to compete against everyone else. – Don’t worry about what others doing better than you. Concentrate on beating your own records every day. Success is a battle between YOU and YOURSELF only.
Stop being jealous of others. – Jealousy is the art of counting someone else’s blessings instead of your own. Ask yourself this: “What’s something I have that everyone wants?” Stop complaining and feeling sorry for yourself. – Life’s curveballs are thrown for a reason – to shift your path in a direction that is meant for you. You may not see or understand everything the moment it happens, and it may be tough. But reflect back on those negative curveballs thrown at you in the past. You’ll often see that eventually they led you to a better place, person, state of mind, or situation. So smile! Let everyone know that today you are a lot stronger than you were yesterday, and you will be.
Stop holding grudges. – Don’t live your life with hate in your heart. You will end up hurting yourself more than the people you hate. Forgiveness is not saying, “What you did to me is okay.” It is saying, “I’m not going to let what you did to me ruin my happiness forever.” Forgiveness is the answer… let go, find peace, liberate yourself! And remember, forgiveness is not just for other people, it’s for you too. If you must, forgive yourself, move on and try to do better next time.
Stop letting others bring you down to their level. – Refuse to lower your standards to accommodate those who refuse to raise theirs.
Stop wasting time explaining yourself to others. – Your friends don’t need it and your enemies won’t believe it anyway. Just do what you know in your heart is right. Stop doing the same things over and over without taking a break. – The time to take a deep breath is when you don’t have time for it. If you keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll keep getting what you’re getting. Sometimes you need to distance yourself to see things clearly.
Stop overlooking the beauty of small moments. – Enjoy the little things, because one day you may look back and discover they were the big things. The best portion of your life will be the small, nameless moments you spend smiling with someone who matters to you. Stop trying to make things perfect. – The real world doesn’t reward perfectionists, it rewards people who get things done. Read Getting Things Done. Stop following the path of least resistance. – Life is not easy, especially when you plan on achieving something worthwhile. Don’t take the easy way out. Do something extraordinary.  
Stop acting like everything is fine if it isn’t. – It’s okay to fall apart for a little while. You don’t always have to pretend to be strong, and there is no need to constantly prove that everything is going well. You shouldn’t be concerned with what other people are thinking either – cry if you need to – it’s healthy to shed your tears. The sooner you do, the sooner you will be able to smile again.
Stop blaming others for your troubles. – The extent to which you can achieve your dreams depends on the extent to which you take responsibility for your life. When you blame others for what you’re going through, you deny responsibility – you give others power over that part of your life. Stop trying to be everything to everyone. – Doing so is impossible, and trying will only burn you out. But making one person smile CAN change the world. Maybe not the whole world, but their world. So narrow your focus.
Stop worrying so much. – Worry will not strip tomorrow of its burdens, it will strip today of its joy. One way to check if something is worth mulling over is to ask yourself this question: “Will this matter in one year’s time? Three years? Five years?” If not, then it’s not worth worrying about.
Stop focusing on what you don’t want to happen. – Focus on what you do want to happen. Positive thinking is at the forefront of every great success story. If you awake every morning with the thought that something wonderful will happen in your life today, and you pay close attention, you’ll often find that you’re right.
Stop being ungrateful. – No matter how good or bad you have it, wake up each day thankful for your life. Someone somewhere else is desperately fighting for theirs. Instead of thinking about what you’re missing, try thinking about what you have that everyone else is missing.

a goodie from Henri JM Nouwen

Imagine yourself as deeply convinced that your kindness to your friends and your generosity to the poor are little mustard seeds that will become strong trees in which many birds will build their nests. Imagine that, in the centre of your heart, your smiles and handshakes, your embraces and your kisses are only the early signs of a worldwide community of love and peace!Imagine that your trusting that every little movement of love you make will ripple out into ever new and wider circles -- just as a little stone thrown into a small pond. Imagine, imagine! Could you ever be depressed, angry, resentful or vengeful? Could you ever destroy, hate or kill? Could you ever despair of the meaning of your short earthly existence? -- Life of the Beloved, pp. 123-4.

November definitely a time for a change

The more I read from pro-challenger and pro-incumbent blog posters and commentators, the more I am convinced things cannot change. No one yet made any predictions. I won't name names but here's my prediction action plan: Look for a frickin' job that can cover private school or moving expenses to Shoreline, Bellingham, or a small city in BC. # of Seattle School Board seats up for re-election: four two will be replaced with vote spreads over 5% one race will take days to certify, and a lead will erode by 3% one will be a major disappointment It just takes one or two new faces on the Board (probably two) to make a change. I want all of them in, but for that to happen 52% of the Seattle citizens filling out ballots for School Board directors have to agree with me. if all four incumbents get back in I am leaving SPS. Maybe even the city. If three incumbents get in I am homeschooling People have had umpteen opportunities to give reasons for supporting the incumbents beyond "they're my friends" and "they have experience." When he was interim King County Executive the Seattle Times endorsed the no-experience candidate Susan Hutchinson. Yet four people, three with corporate management experience, show few signs of understanding or performing their duties as elected officials and they're endorsed because they have experience. Others' rationales are "I don't have to explain why I am voting for them." Isn't that convincing? My son has a right to a decent public education. I may have to spend a lot of money I don't have to either spruce up the house to sell it, or to put him in private school, or to buy a car to drive him to another school district. Systemic and managerial failure account for the ills plaguing our school district. I don't see how privatizing public education will help, but I obviously don't think like an American.

Useful educational websites

I am indebted for reasons public and private to the Save Seattle Schools blog for cluing this Seattle Public Schools parent into resources and portals for building on my child's skills and education. This post from Seattle Schools' Information Technology in the Classroom blog shares some online links for math facts practice: http://it.seattleschools.org/blog/2008/04/learning-math-facts/ http://www.aaamath.com/index.html The child also likes Subtangent and IXL I am digging Khan Academy for its wide range of subjects and their levels of mastery. Also, in a selection of most-commonly understood languages among the Seattle Schools community, grade-appropriate toolkits for families to use in their responsible participation of helping their children achieve core common standards and passable proficiency in Reading and other subjects.

Loading up on education for the next school year

Testing the new blogger.com interface. I borrowed three education-related books: Math Coach, Winning the Math Wars and School Reform. Math adoption is important to me. Although my son has done fine in math, he is in a minority of third-graders who met the Measurement of Student Progress standards. I don't blame the teachers, nor the students: I blame the curriculum. It is Everyday Math and it did not serve my son's class. Out of 31 third-graders, fifteen passed (how many of these were in the Advanced Learning Opportunities group), sixteen did not meet standards, and of the failing sixteen, ten performed miserably. How many of those ten are English Language Learners, or economically disadvantaged? School Reform is an Opposing Viewpoints® Series book. It's meant for a young adult audience but it was the simplest and most straight-forward pros & cons offering about school reform. Winning the Math Wars I don't know much about yet, except the back jacket states "The authors focus on four principles for improving math teaching and learning: fidelity to reform efforts by all involved; an emphasis on instruction and instructional tools; the critical nature of mathematical knowledge; and the need for transformational change." So maybe it is pro-reform. I will read it anyway to learn. I don't yet know why "fuzzy math" is needed. I don't like the term "fuzzy" applied to academics, and particularly not to mathematics. It makes me think of derivatives, collateralized mortgage obligation securities, credit default swaps and other fuzzy financial math crapstunts that Enron and mortgage bankers liked to pull. In America, entrepreneurs push to have an education reform that results in bigger profits for them. Their ideas of reform are not about improving education to make American students globally competitive.

it never rains but it pours

T's new glasses, fresh problems with the car, $100 to tide us until Friday.
what happened in the interim: soccer for C, chess for C, radio station donations, donation to RWF's Attorney General run, Visa payment, HELOC, library restitution, silver purchase. It goes fast.

I have some meat in the freezer, so that's good. And lots of vegetables, with some lentils and buckwheat. I can get some eggs, sardine and flank steak and voila! Kasha!
I'll probably have a lot of vegetable soups between now and Friday. I'm not so freaked out.

Listening to Heaven 17 podcast. Two members, Glenn Gregory and Martyn Ware, have excellent taste in 1980s and 2010s music. Just heard Lykke Li, and now Grandmaster Flash's "White Lines" is playing.

Sunburned after a bus trip down to Terminal 25 in South-of-the-Dome-That-No-Longer-Exists, to see the naval ships as part of our town's annual Seafair. The Canadian Forces craft "Whitehorse" was not giving tours when we were available, but the US Marine Corps took us onto the USS Bonhomme Richard, where we saw some Zulu, Osprey and CH-53 aircraft. We explored them, walked onto the flight deck, got a great deal of sun. We walked for miles, literally, so our feet are beat. C was looking forward to asking the "Whitehorse" crew to take him up to CFB Esquimalt on Vancouver Island.

Gold is up at $1690 USD, not bad. I should just use my account for everyday expenses and stock up on precious metals.

When I post my moments of financial weakness, understand that I have an emergency fund, bonds, Certificates of Deposit, money market account, stocks and precious metals. But my short-term $$ is leaking out fast. When I borrow from my emergency fund for things like roofs, escrow accounts, car repairs, it takes me a long time to replenish it. I'll probably just live on my credit card.

I am still doing the Temporal Tap, and the Three Thumps. I need to select just one affirmation for the right side of the brain. The left one is easy: "I am no longer broke." Right one: a set salary? Infinite riches flow freely into my life? I joyfully receive abundance? I would like to earn more money than my spouse.

I feel a breakthrough

I read through most of don Miguel Ruiz's The Four Agreements book this weekend. Almost immediately I felt a shift in consciousness, a marked improvement in attitude and dare I type it, a return to joy.
I hope I can keep it. Spiritual renewal is a gift of grace, and it's been a long time coming for me. I had been praying almost every night, but someone else prayed on Saturday, and the good orderly direction found me.

Tuesday I went to our neighbourhood Block Watch Night Out, made a fine chicken salad that was perhaps too much for people (there is always a lot of food at potlucks, yet the food banks have low number of rations). Several families in our community need food: my neighbour's on crutches and is living on TV dinners, so I'll make some food now that we have funds.

Yesterday was book club summer social, and I made some Capilano Chocolate Bars. I drove up on the scooter. Other women brought fruit and booze, and I had only the fruit and bars as I do not drink at all when I ride the scooter. I brought kombucha which only one person tried. I choose not to take this personally.

I had a terrific time at the coffee house, as I met a woman who was eager to discuss her breakthroughs and spiritual path/renewal from reading The Four Agreements. I also did some Energy Medicine: in addition to tracing meridians, I have been performing the Temporal Tap and Three Thumps throughout the day. How is it that I was unaware tapping the K-27 points would bring energy to the eyes?